#3 - Your Idiot Meter

"Hey I know you!" I heard shouted from across the quad as I made my way to school's front office to register for my jr. year of high school. I had been diagnosed with canceritus for about a month and was still going through testing to see how far progressed the cancer was.  I was registering for school because we assumed at this point that treatment for my disease would be less invasive than most and I could carry on with life as usual.  I still looked normal (as normal as teenager boy at sixteen can look) with the exception a bulging neck which I wasn't quite ready to admit wasn't just some amazing muscle tone developed from my vigorous  workouts in the gym.

"Hey, wait up!" I heard again from the same voice who shouted before, only this time I realized whoever they were, they were talking to me.  I turned to see a kid I didn't know running up to me.  I don't remember much about what he looked like other than the fact that he seemed very excited to talk to me.  There was an enthusiasm in his gait as he trotted up to me as if he were a puppy and I, his owner, had just gotten home from work with a treat.  Okay that's dramatic but when I think of what happened next I realize this young man, like many you may encounter, was about as smart and socially aware as a pup.

I stopped to wait and when he finally made it to me he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath.  I remember thinking whatever he had to say must be pretty important.  "I know you," he started, "you're that kid right?"

"What kid?" I answered.

"THAT kid.", he said again as if I had missed out on some major news story that had broke about some kid who had done something and apparently looked just like me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked again.

And here it comes.  This was the moment that I realized having cancer provides you with a power that exposes more than the moles and dents on your scalp.  This is when I realized facing this disease would not only make me stronger it would make me able to see things I had never seen before.

"You're that kid who's dying right!?"

It wasn't said with sympathy.  More a sense of bewilderment and amazement, much like you expect the circus freaks for the 1800's felt as observers past their cage.  He didn't know me but he knew what was going on.  Apparently a lot of people did and they were talking about it.  And here I thought I was just getting better looking.  I can't say I blame the young man for his ignorance.  It's not like I've never stopped and stared at a person who is obviously balding from cancer or someone who has a disability.  The truth is we all have and do.  Here's the two things I learned from this experience.

1.  People get funny when faced with disease, disability, or difference.  They're intent is not rudeness or malice, they just can't help but stare at the catheter  protruding from your body.  Let's be honest, you've stared at it a bit too.  The good news is that you too were once and idiot but you've been blessed to have idiot meter installed along with that i.v. From now on you won't look upon others with awe or even pity. You get it.  You understand more of what they're going through.  You'll be able to empathize like never before because you too have been on the receiving end of the awkward looks and whispers.

2.  If people are going to be funny about what's happening to me in life, than I'm going to have some fun with it.  My response to this young man when he asked if I was the kid who was dying was "Yep that's me, can I borrow some money for lunch.  It may be my last meal."  And then I went off to register for school with a $5 bill in my pocket.

So cheer up. You've Got Cancer and now you're a bit better for it!