Early on in the diagnosis stage I was forced to go in for the dreaded bone marrow test. You know the test (and if you don't then you're lucky). It's the test where a needle the length of your arm with the diameter of a turkey baster gets shoved down into the back side of your hip, chips off a piece of your bone, and sucks out some marrow. Ever since this experience I wince when I watch the food network and someone talks about the succulent taste of a calf's marrow. Poor little cow. I do still love a good hamburger though. But I digress...
My family (made up of mom, dad, sister, and myself) were all headed to the doctor's office together. For a reason that I don't remember, we drove in two separate cars and I rode with my big sister. She's three years older than me and for most of our lives I looked up to her and wanted to be around her and her friends whenever I could. Not just because they were "older ladies" but because I thought my sister was the coolest. She, however, saw me for what I probably was, an annoying little brother. It wasn't until just before my fight with cancer began that we had started to become close and, as you conquerors of cancer will begin to learn, now that I faced the possibility of walking into the light a little sooner than we had all hoped, she had become my biggest cheerleader which she was qualified for as she was the cheer captain at her high school back in the day.
There was a lot of traffic that day as we drove from our house to Scripps pavilion, our hospital. My sister and I were talking and enjoying our drive together as much as anyone could knowing what was about to happen to precious bones in the next fifteen minutes. As we got closer to our exit from the main road into the parking lot of Scripps the traffic got a little heavier. My sister, sensing her need to get over two lanes to our exit, grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, tightened her grip, leaned forward squinted her eyes as she began to figure out how she would weave through traffic and get us to our destination. We had gone from relaxing drive to a mission based objective in less than 30 seconds.
We were about one block from our exit when she saw what should have been an opening to our final lane. Like any good California driver, my sister put on her blinker and checked her mirrors and blind spot. Just as she was about to make her move the man in our desired lane that we would now in be front of decided he didn't want us there. He, like the other drivers in California, sped up just enough to keep us from getting in and stayed just slow enough that he wouldn't pass us or let us see his face. And then it happened. Our block came and we were not in left hand turn lane when it did. We arrived at the traffic light one lane shy of completing our mission all because some guy didn't want to lose the unspoken race to different locations. But it was more than that to my sister. This man had not just kept us from passing. For her he represented opposition to my life. He was trying to keep her brother from living (I wish I could say I were adding dramatics here) and she was going to let him know it!
Unfortunately for him, the traffic light was red and our cars were stopped on the line side by side. My older sis prepared for battle as she rolled down her window. She was so pumped that she didn't wait for it to open as she began to lay into the rude motorist. She also didn't recognize that his windows were not open.
"Do you realize we needed to turn here!?", she yelled. "My brother is dying and you're keeping him from getting the treatment he needs! It's because of people like you that this world is so jacked up!! Now were going to be late and it's all your fault. Look at him don't you see how sick my brother is!?"
I don't think the man ever heard a word but he got the message. His response was a simple one finger gesture as the light turned green and he drove off. We didn't miss our appointment. As a matter of fact we just pulled into the second entrance that was less than 1/2 a block after the first. But something significant happened that day.
My sister, who couldn't physically fight what was happening inside my body, was doing whatever she could to fight for my life. For her the battle was found by driving me to the hospital for a bone marrow test I didn't want to have. For others it was shaving their heads in my honor. And still for others it was allowing me to attend school just for the social aspect so that I could feel normal. Today you should cheer up knowing that you are not alone. People all over this world have got your back. No they don't feel what you're feeling and no they can't truthfully say they understand but they do want you to win.
That's why they walk marathons, wear ribbons, golf, pray, and even write blogs about cancer. It's their way of being a part of the battle with you.
Today you can cheer up because you're not alone in your fight. People you don't even know are fighting with you. So if someone cuts you off on the way to your next doctors appointment, write down their license number and let me know. I'll call my big sister and she'll do her part too.
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Why This? Why Now?
I was 16 when I was diagnosed with cancer. My disease of choice was Hodgkins Lymphoma and I was in stage 3b. For those of you who are fighting cancer you know that this isn't the worst diagnosis you can get but it definitely isn't the best. My doctor gave me about 40% chance for remission and less for cure.
The question: It's been sixteen years and I'm just now talking about it?
The answer: I've been talking about my experience for the last sixteen years to lots of people. I've talked with students, adults, fellow cancer conquerors, and those who are supporting others in the middle of the battle. Over these years I've been told to write my experiences down and share them with others. I've sat down to do this many times only to walk away discouraged and doubtful that anyone would be interested, let alone benefit from the ramblings of an inexperienced writer like myself. But tonight something changed.
I'm discouraged from a new "cancer" in my life. No it's not physical and no it's not terminal but it's effecting me the way so many people are affected by life's emotional, physical, and spiritual ailments. I was lying on my couch needing something that would make me smile. Anything that could get my mind off of the crud my life's path is forcing me to wade through. I needed something that could give me that extra push to stay focused on my goals. Do you know what my mind went to? The picture that formed in my head caused my face to form a subtle but wonderful grin and instantly I felt better.
I was sixteen year's old and I was playing poker. No gambling isn't what makes me smile? I was playing poker and it was 2:00 in the morning. Again the answer is not that I get pumped by sneaking out late to illegal card halls. I was playing poker with the nurse that was on the night shift at the hospital I was staying in. She had come into my room to tell me that I had to get my rest and after a little charming from yours truly, she sat on the edge of my hospital bed and played an hour's worth of cards with me. We played and laughed and it was a blast! I'll talk more about why this moment was so important later in our journey together but for tonight this is what matters.
Thinking about cancer made me smile! It's not that I want to be sick (that would just be sick). But when I think of all that I experienced and the positives that came from that time in my life, I am reminded that I can conquer anything.
It was through my experience with cancer that I learned that some of the greatest moments in our life can actually come during the ost difficult circumstances. In fact there is so much good that comes from the bad that I believe that the "cancers" of life are, if we allow them to be, blessings. I know that there are thousands of survivors out there of cancer and other difficult circumstance that may feel like I did tonight. You just need a little positive perspective to help you push ahead. My goal is to give you just that.
If you're battling cancer or facing what seems like an insurmountable obstacle in your life I hope you'll stick around. You may be down but my aim is to put a smile on your face and remind you how good you've got it. If the saying is true that a "Merry hearts is good like a medicine," than what I say to you is "CHEER UP! YOU'VE GOT CANCER!"
