Why This? Why Now?

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with cancer. My disease of choice was Hodgkins Lymphoma and I was in stage 3b. For those of you who are fighting cancer you know that this isn't the worst diagnosis you can get but it definitely isn't the best. My doctor gave me about 40% chance for remission and less for cure.

I'm going to be 32 next month so apparently 40% is passing! Cancer was, as it is for most, a life changing event for me. It set me on the path towards my current career. It opened doors that would have never been opened, and it made me answer hard questions that most people don't face until late in life when it's too late. I've said it a hundred times to thousands of people and I'll say it again here today. Cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me. In fact, I believe it saved my life or at least made it better.

The question: It's been sixteen years and I'm just now talking about it?

The answer: I've been talking about my experience for the last sixteen years to lots of people. I've talked with students, adults, fellow cancer conquerors, and those who are supporting others in the middle of the battle. Over these years I've been told to write my experiences down and share them with others. I've sat down to do this many times only to walk away discouraged and doubtful that anyone would be interested, let alone benefit from the ramblings of an inexperienced writer like myself. But tonight something changed.

I'm discouraged from a new "cancer" in my life. No it's not physical and no it's not terminal but it's effecting me the way so many people are affected by life's emotional, physical, and spiritual ailments. I was lying on my couch needing something that would make me smile. Anything that could get my mind off of the crud my life's path is forcing me to wade through. I needed something that could give me that extra push to stay focused on my goals. Do you know what my mind went to? The picture that formed in my head caused my face to form a subtle but wonderful grin and instantly I felt better.

I was sixteen year's old and I was playing poker. No gambling isn't what makes me smile? I was playing poker and it was 2:00 in the morning. Again the answer is not that I get pumped by sneaking out late to illegal card halls. I was playing poker with the nurse that was on the night shift at the hospital I was staying in. She had come into my room to tell me that I had to get my rest and after a little charming from yours truly, she sat on the edge of my hospital bed and played an hour's worth of cards with me. We played and laughed and it was a blast! I'll talk more about why this moment was so important later in our journey together but for tonight this is what matters.

Thinking about cancer made me smile! It's not that I want to be sick (that would just be sick). But when I think of all that I experienced and the positives that came from that time in my life, I am reminded that I can conquer anything.
It was through my experience with cancer that I learned that some of the greatest moments in our life can actually come during the ost difficult circumstances. In fact there is so much good that comes from the bad that I believe that the "cancers" of life are, if we allow them to be, blessings. I know that there are thousands of survivors out there of cancer and other difficult circumstance that may feel like I did tonight. You just need a little positive perspective to help you push ahead. My goal is to give you just that.

If you're battling cancer or facing what seems like an insurmountable obstacle in your life I hope you'll stick around. You may be down but my aim is to put a smile on your face and remind you how good you've got it. If the saying is true that a "Merry hearts is good like a medicine," than what I say to you is "CHEER UP! YOU'VE GOT CANCER!"